-
Ketika “apa kabar” terlalu abstrak
Menanyakan kabar seseorang dengan pertanyaan literal “apa kabar” adalah hal paling mudah. Mulut kita seperti terprogram otomatis untuk menanyakan hal ini karena sudah terbiasa. Masalahnya, pertanyaan itu sering dianggap basa-basi atau bagian dari sopan santun sehingga seringkali diabaikan atau jika situasi sedang galau, seseorang akan menjawabnya dengan senyuman getir. Lalu aku menemukan beberapa pertanyaan alternatif yang lebih spesifik, tidak terlalu abstrak, sebagai pengganti “apa kabar?” Contohnya: Aku teringat dengan pengalaman menulis jurnal saat melakukan pemulihan dan perawatan diri. Tidak mudah menulis jurnal karena aku terbiasa dengan emosi dasar seperti sedih, bahagia, kecewa, bangga, dan lain-lain. Proses menjelaskan dan menguraikan perasaan itu merupakan poin penting dalam menulis jurnal. Kadang bingung harus…
-
Online meeting anxiety
4 minutes into the meeting andI feel knots twisting in my stomachIt’s more than butterflies churning around There is increasing acid influx flood my systemI lost my train of thoughtsI am alert to judgment My throat is driedso, I pour some waterIt helps, for a while Then I realize, the agenda has changedThere’s another urgent comingBecause nowadays, urgency is piling upso is the online meeting to respond it We plan for follow up actionsand the meeting drag its paceto the many familiar possibilities We can only hope for the bestBecause life looks hopeless Nikn
-
So much, so little
So much happened this week, but I feel like they are not worth to mention here. It’s work and working but not fun. Not everything meant to be fun but when you’re lack of it, you want one. I am sorting myself out to things that I want to share in this board. It doesn’t matter if there is no one read it, because the consideration is whether or not it’s worth to venting out. I want to rant about something that I love to remember in the future. Something that bring positive nostalgia or a thin smile on my lips. There is part of me that refuse to see…
-
Cinta Picisan
Original posting on https://forevernikn.wordpress.com/2007/09/29/cinta-picisan/ Pada suatu waktu di masa lalu, saya pernah punya pacar, panggil saja AN. Kami “jadian” waktu awal kelas 2 SMP nun jauh di pinggiran Jakarta, berbatasan dengan provinsi Jawa Barat. Saya lah yang pertama kali jatuh hati dan mendekatinya. Sejak kelas satu sampai kelas dua, saya sering nitip salam, minta biodatanya, dan seabrek kegiatan pendekatan alias PDKT. Alhasil, dia mengetahui kalau saya suka dengannya. Entah siapa yang mengajak berpacaran, saya sendiri sudah lupa. Selama berpacaran, tidak ada yang istimewa kecuali saat mendekati akhir hubungan, dia memberikan hadiah ulang tahun berupa sepasang cincin dari rajutan serat kayu dan benang dengan nama saya beserta tiga buah buku Fredy…
-
Fredy S dan masa puber
Tema Fredy S muncul di grup WhatsApp beberapa waktu lalu. Cukup ramai sampai ada rencana untuk membahasnya dalam diskusi tematik JALINTB. Aku menunggu waktunya karena buatku buku-bukunya mewarnai puberku. Novel Fredy S membantu aku mengenali seksualitas. Ceritanya sederhana, mudah dicerna, menggunakan bahasa sehari-hari, dan sesuai dengan konteks. Satu buku bisa aku selesaikan kurang dari sehari. Gaya bahasa yang digunakan tidak berbunga-bunga atau penuh kiasan. Langsung ke makna sesungguhnya. Satu lagi yang menurutku khas. Buku Fredy S ini selain ada yang baru, tapi sebagian besar dibeli pelanggan, termasuk aku di toko buku bekas. Ada banyak bukunya dijual di sana. Harganya murah, sangat terjangkau siswa SMP dengan uang saku yang minim. It’s…
-
No need
I don’t need another pair of shoesI don’t need another pair of sandalsI don’t need another advocacy t-shirtsBut I want them and people give them to me I don’t need another clear foldersI don’t need another pensI don’t need another tumblersBut they are keep coming at me I don’t need another bagsI don’t need another cell phonesI don’t need another yoga matsBut I want them And they are very cheap I don’t need another plushiesI don’t need another stickersI don’t need another earingsBut they are so cute Irresistible to not buy I don’t need another lipstickI don’t need another skincare productsI don’t need another powderBut I want to look insanely…
-
your story
You don’t need to compare your life to mineIt will be painful to try to match to somethingThat you don’t have any control of We all have our own “achievements”Maybe the term is too big; it’s scaryYou can call it “pleasant things” It can be a moment where you don’tTry too hardAware too muchAlert too highAfraid to askFeel too anxiousHurt so deep You don’t need to be anyone you wish forBecause you may not like your past versionWho made the wish Human is not fairHumanity may be rarePeople’s expectation is absurd It is not a shame to surviveWe may never pass that phase Never compare your story to othersWe build…
-
Quotations
If you’re strong enough to let yourself fall in love, you will be strong enough to let it go. Strong enough to pick up your pieces and start over. Always ask yourself:Who writes the stories?Who benefit from the stories?Who is missing from the stories? Treat love like a plant; you cannot rush its growth Stop watering dead and toxic relationshipsand expecting them to grow Rules for dating my daughter:I don’t make the rulesYou don’t make the rulesShe makes the rulesHer body, her rules Healing is an inside job Dear mother-in-law, please don’t tell me how to raise my kidsI’m living with one of yours and he is not perfect Motherhood…
-
a bit scary
It’s a bit scaryWhen you have so much to sayBut unable to voice themUnsure about the language to useAfraid about the risks It’s a bit scaryTo be brave with many privilegesTo be poor with less options How powerless we should be?How traumatized we should be?How much intersectionalities should we bear?Like, how do you count them?How do we taking care of injustice? It’s a bit scaryTo be pessimist with many enemiesSometimes they are your families It’s a bit too muchTo love and care for yourself We don’t know how and why It’s painful to tell storiesAnd tell yourself that it’s okayTo be this low and highTo be vulnerable and breakableAnd hear…
-
Disposable
We were both babies when I fall for youYour dimple and doe eyesSteal my glances They said don’t act too gayBe a manly boy on stageSo I hold my feeling for you Baby let’s go to our hideout at the parkWhere we kiss in the darkThis love is full of fear but I will not apologizeWonder how long we can live this way I’ll be your fairy and you’ll be my Peter PanThis is not everyone fairy taleWhere we live happily ever afterBecause we will fight till the end But I get tired of feeling shameWho I am is not a sinI am not a disposable mistake Baby hold my…