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Closing the week
I feel overwhelmed on Thursday and Friday. I was waking up late. The taxi I called didn’t come as I expected. I feel bad about myself and beat myself to it. Sometimes you are your own enemy. When I arrived at the office, I try to motivate myself. I am not fully prepared but the universe helped me out. The discussion went smooth. People appreciated what my team are doing. It inspired them. I feel very happy. There’s intensive meeting and more coming up. I need to prepare myself in term of physic and psychic. I am not a fan of logistical issue. But if the team require me to…
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Bubu is dead
Today I mourn the passing of Bubu, my beloved cat. She is a cat with special need. She was quiet, love to play, easy to pleased, has one eye that work well, can’t jump, can’t run, love petting, and has wonderful furs. Bubu has been living with me for the past one year. I didn’t vaccinate and neuter her. I just love her. I took care of her when she got sick. She’s easily got sick. She has suffered from muscle stiffness twice that she couldn’t stand up and walk properly. Her head little bit bigger than other cats. She was born with a genetic disorder. I found just two…
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One post per month
It’s harder to write lately. It’s not that I don’t have the time or energy but unwilling. I think it’s about motivation, I don’t have it. Not that I think I am healthy that I don’t need to write or make a journal. I feel little bit comfortable at where I am. So I am writing now because there’s something disturb that comfort zone. I will have a new position. I need to re-arrange my priorities. I mean previously everything is priority because I thought my position is not that clear. It is clear that I am supporting many people and positions but I am kind of wonder about my…
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I am beautiful
When I was in middle school, I had one formal photo taken for school report. I like that photo and I think to myself, “I am beautiful.” I have straight long hair over my shoulder, I wore a pair of heart-shaped gold earrings that hang from a chain. I feel so beautiful. It was my first year in middle school or 7th grade. I feel good about myself. It didn’t last long. It was a small middle school at the eastern part of Jakarta. I think it only had 4 classroom so there’s morning and afternoon class. Back then, I was part of top ten in my class. I was…
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Kucing lumpuh
Setelah kematian kucing hitam putih, aku semakin yakin kalau aku perlu memberi nama ke kucing yang sering datang ke rumah. Ini demi kepraktisan, terutama kalau mereka sakit dan aku harus membawa mereka ke klinik hewan. Contohnya Bubu. Juli tahun 2022, dia sempat lumpuh. Setelah minum obat 3-4 hari, dia pulih. Lalu dua minggu yang lalu, empat kakinya kaku dan tidak bisa berjalan. Ketika makan, air liurnya tidak bisa dikendalikan. Lehernya juga lemah sehingga sulit tegak. Bubu ini kucing belang tiga. Rescue di belakang perumahan Budi Agung. Dia meringkuk sendirian di pinggir jalan, bulunya tipis dan rontok. Sepertinya dia pasrah untuk mati. Aku sedang jalan kaki dari olahraga pagi. Aku bawa…
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Quotations
If you’re strong enough to let yourself fall in love, you will be strong enough to let it go. Strong enough to pick up your pieces and start over. Always ask yourself:Who writes the stories?Who benefit from the stories?Who is missing from the stories? Treat love like a plant; you cannot rush its growth Stop watering dead and toxic relationshipsand expecting them to grow Rules for dating my daughter:I don’t make the rulesYou don’t make the rulesShe makes the rulesHer body, her rules Healing is an inside job Dear mother-in-law, please don’t tell me how to raise my kidsI’m living with one of yours and he is not perfect Motherhood…
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a bit scary
It’s a bit scaryWhen you have so much to sayBut unable to voice themUnsure about the language to useAfraid about the risks It’s a bit scaryTo be brave with many privilegesTo be poor with less options How powerless we should be?How traumatized we should be?How much intersectionalities should we bear?Like, how do you count them?How do we taking care of injustice? It’s a bit scaryTo be pessimist with many enemiesSometimes they are your families It’s a bit too muchTo love and care for yourself We don’t know how and why It’s painful to tell storiesAnd tell yourself that it’s okayTo be this low and highTo be vulnerable and breakableAnd hear…
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Cerita perubahan
Momen kemarin membuat aku terharu. Minggu lalu aku bertemu dengan teman-teman dari Ko**g*ma Institute. Kita melakukan rapat yang tertunda selama 5 tahun. Ada berbagai dinamika yang terjadi di individu dan berdampak ke organisasi. Aku mengusulkan ada ruang aman untuk berbagi perubahan yang dianggap penting. Cerita teman-teman membuat aku terharu. Rasa haru itu muncul karena aku berteman cukup lama sehingga mengetahui alasan mengapa perubahan tersebut penting. Tidak hanya untuk teman-temanku tapi untuk diriku juga. Ibaratnya aku melihat proses “jatuh bangun” dan pergulatan batin yang harus dilalui. Terharu karena awalnya aku ingin menyampaikan bahwa aku tidak bisa terlibat sebagai pengurus. Tapi ketika mendengar cerita teman-teman dan melihat kondisi organisasi seperti sekarang, aku…
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Sabar=melambat
Aku belajar untuk mengenali dan menghargai batas heart, mind, and body.
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How is the weather in your heart-mind-body?
Aku belajar untuk menanyakan pertanyaan di atas ke diri sendiri. Salah satu bagian dari merawat kesadaran supaya merasa lebih bersyukur dan melihat semua pengetahuan adalah bagian dari perjalanan. How is the weather in your heart-mind-body? Kenapa ada tiga hal? Mungkin saja cuaca di hati, pikiran, dan tubuh kita berbeda. Sebagian akan mengatakan, it’s a unity. Iya, tapi kadang aku tidak sadar atau kurang peka dengan kondisi hati dan tubuh, lalu pikiran mengatakan aku baik-baik saja agar aku dapat melakukan kegiatan seperti biasa. Kadang aku juga tidak tahu bagaimana mengenali tubuh yang lelah dan hati yang kacau. Kadang terlihat ketika aku mengalami kesulitan tidur atau bangun terlalu cepat kemudian tidak bisa…