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The Troubled Water
The night before JS started the e-module workshop, F-Indonesia members, including myself, gather in one bedroom. The “danger” of cramped 6 women in one cottage is they probably will not be sleeping. We haven’t seen each other for a while. So, when we meet, we share what have been bothering our heart-mind-body. At first, I tried to avoid the gathering. But the night getting late and the “meeting” didn’t seem to end soon enough. So, I joined them. I will not get into the details but share the underline issues. As a safe space, we put our values and realities side by side. Sisterhood is real and like sisters…
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Another headache
For the past three weeks, I had on and off headache. It happened because I had low blood pressure and burnout. Like last night, I tested myself and it’s all good, 100/65 but I had mild headache. So I know it’s a burnout symptoms. I also need to be careful because my low blood pressure and burnout may have some connections. Like if I am loosing sleeps, my blood pressure is low. It’s becoming hard to have good and sufficient sleeps nowadays. There were times I am talking to myself and think of resigning. I want to prioritize my mental and physical health. I am thinking of having short-time projects…
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Loose
It’s easy to become loose and lost contact with your emotions when you’re busy with something that you considered important. It’s difficult to be lost but not knowing that you’re lost. You kind of feel it but not knowing it for certain. It’s a failure but I am not fail to become human. Our journey is what made us today. I love the fact that I am aware faster when I am lost. I also keep it calm; am not panic. I know I am going somewhere. My journey sometimes doesn’t take me where I want to. Not directly. My journey is not a straight line, but not too steep…
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Thrifting
Aku mau bercerita tentang thrifting. Aku mulai melakukan thrifting ketika tinggal di Jogja tahun 2017. Istilah di sana awul-awul karena calon pembeli harus meng”awul-awul” atau mengacak-acak baju bekas untuk mencari pakaian yang cocok dan masih bagus. Harga per potong murah, 10-20 ribu. Untuk jaket yang masih bagus bisa 30 ribu. Usaha ini sempat meredup. Kemudian sekitar 2021 populer lagi sampai di tahun 2022 media dan publik membahas tentang Peraturan Menteri Perdagangan (Permendag) Nomor 40 Tahun 2022 tentang pelarangan jual-beli pakaian bekas impor. Aku membeli pakaian bekas atau thrifting di media online seperti Carousell atau datang langsung ke toko. Di Bogor ada beberapa tempat kecil-kecil seperti di Hypermart, BTM, Plaza Jembatan…
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Closing the week
I feel overwhelmed on Thursday and Friday. I was waking up late. The taxi I called didn’t come as I expected. I feel bad about myself and beat myself to it. Sometimes you are your own enemy. When I arrived at the office, I try to motivate myself. I am not fully prepared but the universe helped me out. The discussion went smooth. People appreciated what my team are doing. It inspired them. I feel very happy. There’s intensive meeting and more coming up. I need to prepare myself in term of physic and psychic. I am not a fan of logistical issue. But if the team require me to…
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Bubu is dead
Today I mourn the passing of Bubu, my beloved cat. She is a cat with special need. She was quiet, love to play, easy to pleased, has one eye that work well, can’t jump, can’t run, love petting, and has wonderful furs. Bubu has been living with me for the past one year. I didn’t vaccinate and neuter her. I just love her. I took care of her when she got sick. She’s easily got sick. She has suffered from muscle stiffness twice that she couldn’t stand up and walk properly. Her head little bit bigger than other cats. She was born with a genetic disorder. I found just two…
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One post per month
It’s harder to write lately. It’s not that I don’t have the time or energy but unwilling. I think it’s about motivation, I don’t have it. Not that I think I am healthy that I don’t need to write or make a journal. I feel little bit comfortable at where I am. So I am writing now because there’s something disturb that comfort zone. I will have a new position. I need to re-arrange my priorities. I mean previously everything is priority because I thought my position is not that clear. It is clear that I am supporting many people and positions but I am kind of wonder about my…
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I am beautiful
When I was in middle school, I had one formal photo taken for school report. I like that photo and I think to myself, “I am beautiful.” I have straight long hair over my shoulder, I wore a pair of heart-shaped gold earrings that hang from a chain. I feel so beautiful. It was my first year in middle school or 7th grade. I feel good about myself. It didn’t last long. It was a small middle school at the eastern part of Jakarta. I think it only had 4 classroom so there’s morning and afternoon class. Back then, I was part of top ten in my class. I was…
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Kucing lumpuh
Setelah kematian kucing hitam putih, aku semakin yakin kalau aku perlu memberi nama ke kucing yang sering datang ke rumah. Ini demi kepraktisan, terutama kalau mereka sakit dan aku harus membawa mereka ke klinik hewan. Contohnya Bubu. Juli tahun 2022, dia sempat lumpuh. Setelah minum obat 3-4 hari, dia pulih. Lalu dua minggu yang lalu, empat kakinya kaku dan tidak bisa berjalan. Ketika makan, air liurnya tidak bisa dikendalikan. Lehernya juga lemah sehingga sulit tegak. Bubu ini kucing belang tiga. Rescue di belakang perumahan Budi Agung. Dia meringkuk sendirian di pinggir jalan, bulunya tipis dan rontok. Sepertinya dia pasrah untuk mati. Aku sedang jalan kaki dari olahraga pagi. Aku bawa…
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Quotations
If you’re strong enough to let yourself fall in love, you will be strong enough to let it go. Strong enough to pick up your pieces and start over. Always ask yourself:Who writes the stories?Who benefit from the stories?Who is missing from the stories? Treat love like a plant; you cannot rush its growth Stop watering dead and toxic relationshipsand expecting them to grow Rules for dating my daughter:I don’t make the rulesYou don’t make the rulesShe makes the rulesHer body, her rules Healing is an inside job Dear mother-in-law, please don’t tell me how to raise my kidsI’m living with one of yours and he is not perfect Motherhood…