Another headache

For the past three weeks, I had on and off headache. It happened because I had low blood pressure and burnout. Like last night, I tested myself and it’s all good, 100/65 but I had mild headache. So I know it’s a burnout symptoms. I also need to be careful because my low blood pressure and burnout may have some connections. Like if I am loosing sleeps, my blood pressure is low. It’s becoming hard to have good and sufficient sleeps nowadays.

There were times I am talking to myself and think of resigning. I want to prioritize my mental and physical health. I am thinking of having short-time projects or works where I don’t have close attachment or long-term conditional attachment. I also feel that due to my tight schedule, I have limited circle of friends and most of them from my workplace. It’s hard to maintain relationship outside my workplace. I don’t think it’s healthy.

I am trying to talk to my inner-self, to check how she is. It’s also getting hard to write journal like this. Not only for the limited time, but I feel tired before I am writing that I chose to watch K-drama which is much easier.

Are you okay?
NO.
What is it?
I don’t know what to do, who to reach to overcome my doubts. I need to know the decision makers for certain matters and the procedures. I got it just last week.
It’s hard? You feel powerless?
It’s not hard in term of job description but more of not knowing the flow and who decide what. It’s getting better. But I need to keep calm myself down. Yes, it’s difficult to be in a community, organization, or movement when you feel powerless because of the system, culture, and people in it. I understand when people choose another way to be in the movement. I also want to shape my own way engaging with the movement without being judged.
Yes, understood.
I am a low maintenance person, I have savings, investment, and no debts except the one related to work. So I know I can leave anytime.