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Ketika “apa kabar” terlalu abstrak
Menanyakan kabar seseorang dengan pertanyaan literal “apa kabar” adalah hal paling mudah. Mulut kita seperti terprogram otomatis untuk menanyakan hal ini karena sudah terbiasa. Masalahnya, pertanyaan itu sering dianggap basa-basi atau bagian dari sopan santun sehingga seringkali diabaikan atau jika situasi sedang galau, seseorang akan menjawabnya dengan senyuman getir. Lalu aku menemukan beberapa pertanyaan alternatif yang lebih spesifik, tidak terlalu abstrak, sebagai pengganti “apa kabar?” Contohnya: Aku teringat dengan pengalaman menulis jurnal saat melakukan pemulihan dan perawatan diri. Tidak mudah menulis jurnal karena aku terbiasa dengan emosi dasar seperti sedih, bahagia, kecewa, bangga, dan lain-lain. Proses menjelaskan dan menguraikan perasaan itu merupakan poin penting dalam menulis jurnal. Kadang bingung harus…
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So much, so little
So much happened this week, but I feel like they are not worth to mention here. It’s work and working but not fun. Not everything meant to be fun but when you’re lack of it, you want one. I am sorting myself out to things that I want to share in this board. It doesn’t matter if there is no one read it, because the consideration is whether or not it’s worth to venting out. I want to rant about something that I love to remember in the future. Something that bring positive nostalgia or a thin smile on my lips. There is part of me that refuse to see…
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No need
I don’t need another pair of shoesI don’t need another pair of sandalsI don’t need another advocacy t-shirtsBut I want them and people give them to me I don’t need another clear foldersI don’t need another pensI don’t need another tumblersBut they are keep coming at me I don’t need another bagsI don’t need another cell phonesI don’t need another yoga matsBut I want them And they are very cheap I don’t need another plushiesI don’t need another stickersI don’t need another earingsBut they are so cute Irresistible to not buy I don’t need another lipstickI don’t need another skincare productsI don’t need another powderBut I want to look insanely…
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your story
You don’t need to compare your life to mineIt will be painful to try to match to somethingThat you don’t have any control of We all have our own “achievements”Maybe the term is too big; it’s scaryYou can call it “pleasant things” It can be a moment where you don’tTry too hardAware too muchAlert too highAfraid to askFeel too anxiousHurt so deep You don’t need to be anyone you wish forBecause you may not like your past versionWho made the wish Human is not fairHumanity may be rarePeople’s expectation is absurd It is not a shame to surviveWe may never pass that phase Never compare your story to othersWe build…
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Quiet time
I need to have quiet moment to write. It also one of the reason I am often using headphone or earphone. It is to block any sound, not just music or noises. Being quiet not only from the sound outside but also inside. Often it is your inside voice or sound that rampage in your mind that you can’t write. It’s too crowded. I am introvert both inside and outside. Once I get the flow, I can turn on voices or music. I usually write slowly. It takes time to put your heart into sentences. It takes time to decide the words to describe your emotions. It takes a courage…
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Pencapaian selama 3 hari
Pada konseling minggu lalu, aku menyatakan bahwa menyelesaikan laporan semester dan tahunan tidak aku anggap sebagai pencapaian. Bahkan tidak termasuk pencapaian kecil. Aku merasa target tersebut sudah dibuat oleh pihak lain yang harus aku sepakati dengan suatu imbalan. Akhirnya aku membuat sendiri pencapaianku, yaitu target yang aku buat untuk diriku sendiri. Target 1. Selesai membaca 1 buku selama 1 minggu. Temanya bebas.Target 2. Berjalan kaki minimal 3 KM setiap hari.Target 3. Maksimal hanya 3 jam/hari membuka atau menggunakan Instagram.Malamnya aku langsung ke Togamas di Suhat untuk membeli 2 buku. Satu kumpulan puisi, satunya kumpulan cerpen. Sabtu, 17 April. Lumayan, bisa membaca beberapa halaman. Buku puisi itu lebih sulit dibaca dibanding…
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A story to tell
I’ll tell you a storyAbout a boy helplessly in love Hold your opinionDon’t put stamp on my faceIf this feeling is wrongHow can it last this long? If you’re a faultThen why am I feeling so right?Is it real or are we just friend?Or are we stray from the start? I’ll tell you a storyThat nobody wants to hearAnd I can’t say it too loudBecause it’s about loving myself They said it’s a choiceI can be normal butI already feel so naturalWhen I lay in your arms Bogor, 2020
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Hold my tears
I am too young to think it will last foreverI am too naive to think you will changeI am too stupid to think you are the one You have slipped away from my heartYou have move further from my sideIt’s been hard to understandReally sick to spent time to know why Nevermind, don’t feel sorry for meI’ll be fine, I will move on by the moonsNevermind, forget all my attention and careIt was nothing to remember I risk the stigma just to get your smileI fight my life so I can hold your handsThey don’t know how safe I am in your eyesIf it’s wrong why it feels rightIf you…
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Safe space
You don’t need to check up on me every 1,2, or 3 hoursIf we want to know how much we love, we have to learn to trustI don’t need you every time I get sickI need to take care myself before I can take care of you Give us safe space to be alone with our feelingSo I can appreciate every moment you are near I don’t need to check up on you every hourI believe you’ll catch me when I am fallingI let you free to be on your ownBecause you’re precious to many people I know you are strong enough to become a loverI will never complete you…
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Suara kurang ajar!
Kalau diingat lagi ke belakang, sepertinya sejak 2010 aku mulai mengalami kesulitan untuk menulis puisi. Iya, puisi yang menurut orang kebanyakan permainan kata dan curhat versi ringkas. Kalau tidak salah ingat, aku mulai menulis puisi ketika kelas 5 SD. Gara-garanya aku membaca buku Setanggi Timur karya Amir Hamzah di perpustakaan keliling. Seimut itu aku membaca Setanggi Timur dan aku dibuat galau. Meskipun aku tidak sepenuhnya paham dengan puisi Amir Hamzah tapi ada perasaan geli dan semilir angin di dada ketika membacanya. Persis perasaan ketika orang jatuh cinta. Duh, Setanggi Timur. Sudah berapa tahun aku tidak membacanya? Kangen. Aku ingin dibuat jatuh cinta lagi. Aku ingin merasakan geli digelitik rasa dingin…