The Troubled Water
The night before JS started the e-module workshop, F-Indonesia members, including myself, gather in one bedroom. The “danger” of cramped 6 women in one cottage is they probably will not be sleeping. We haven’t seen each other for a while. So, when we meet, we share what have been bothering our heart-mind-body.
At first, I tried to avoid the gathering. But the night getting late and the “meeting” didn’t seem to end soon enough. So, I joined them. I will not get into the details but share the underline issues.
As a safe space, we put our values and realities side by side. Sisterhood is real and like sisters do, we fight and make up. So, where is the boundary?
Previously F-Indonesia had been dealing with conflict between veteran and younger generations. Those in conflict could be working in one organization or different organizations, sometimes one side resigned to other organizations. That night, we discussed about conflict among younger women activists, one side is indigenous and the other non-indigenous. They used to be working in one organization. Three women have left the organization due to the conflict. It affects the organization and organizing process. I feel sad. There are more stories to that.
As community organizers, young women spend much time with the community. They meet challenges in the form of romantic and sexual approach and harassment from mostly men or older men. “Men would ask me to marry them as first or second wife,” said one friend. “It was kind of joke slash intimidation slash harassment,” she added. Some local women or wives will get suspicious and may not interested to join their activities.
Things got complicated when it involves indigenous people. If an indigenous woman has a romantic relationship with a married man, she will be punished and the customary fine applied. The amount can be very high and the perpetrator will be isolated. As usual, in the heated fight; trust, honor, and respect broken. True, it’s nothing new. But what’s next? How women activist navigates their power and sexuality?
It’s nothing new that some activists have intimate and emotional relationship with each other, including in women’s movement. Some worked, some not. The end of relationship can be mess or a disaster. As an activist, we expect that there still be a level of respect of feminist values intact. However, that may not happen. Violence happened between couple.
During a workshop, I received anonymous text message to warn me that the note-taker was a perpetrator of violence in their relationship and the case still under investigation. I consulted it with a friend who later gather information from her circle. I recognized the anonymous person as one of my friends and she was the one who recommend the note-taker years ago. Based from information I got, it was indicated as a toxic relationship. So yes, some activists are toxic or bully or both.
How can we feel safe in our own movement?